My Son and Niece love each other!

Hello All, This is such a beautiful photo! This is my son, Isaac, on the left, and my neice or Isaac's cousin, on the right. Isaac and Eliana. They LOVE each other so much. Every day when I pick Isaac up from school he says those oh so familiar words, "I miss Eliana". Today we said, "Guess who is sleeping at your house right now?" Of course he guessed and said "Yay! I Love Eliana......I always say I miss Eliana!". So he was excited and they played wonderfully together, laughing and giggling and doing fun stuff. Isaac likes to take care of her and make sure she is ok. Isaac has been enjoying school this week. His homework is great and I am also very happy with my assistance with his homework and sometimes I feel like I am getting the stamps for being a good mummy helping .....hehe.

An update on myself. I have been quite sore with my incision and the doctor told me not to panic and that all the muscles and skin and new tissues is forming from underneath and this type of intense pain is normal. I also have been a bit hormonally imbalanced and so the doctor wants to get on top of that quickly. I seem to get depressed easily when something like this happens and we don't want me to get pulled into that. Otherwise, things are going ok.

Most of all I just wanted to show off my babies...hehe....Isaac and Eliana and how cute they are!

Ok, well, thanks for reading.

Love Charisse

Here we go again!

Hello All!

Well the start of a new week and I hope it is going to go ok. Isaac was too sick to go back to school on Friday last week. The doctor told us to keep him at home. He also spent today, Monday, at home too. I am satisfied that he is much better to cope with the longer days at school now. He is much more well and rested. So tomorrow he will be back at school. Wednesday is rest day at his school and then Thursday he is back again. I don't like it when Isaac is sick but I really did have a better day with him at home the last 4 days. Then this afternoon at some time I felt weird and told Alan I was going to need to lie down. I went and lay down and the tears came about Isaac returning back to school. I don't want to hold him back, obviously...and I know how important it is for him to be at school....I also know how much he enjoys it! He loves the worksheets that they do for homework. We picked up the homework he missed out on in those 2 days he was abcent and he thoroughly enjoyed catching up on work at home.......I know that it is just a huge adjustment for me to have Isaac in school. There are some other things going on with me that make me think I am more teary anyway.......don't panic though...nothing to worry about. However, this is a reason why I am more teary. I have just been very overwhelmed by a couple of things that have been happening and I am still recovering from the operation 3 weeks ago. I also find that I become bored easiy and needing to take it easy is actually really difficult. There are so many things I could do while Isaac is at school....and I am not allowed to do it yet. I have to remind myself that this is temporary and this operation was done for a good reason and I am actually relieved that I had it done and very happy with myself. It is just so weird that my baby is at school.......and I feel lonely having to sit at home.....AND....I have other things that are causing me to be teary....SO without Isaac I get bombarded by these things and then cry! I WILL get used to him being in school and I WILL enjoy the time while he is there.....it is just a HUGE adjustment!!!!!!

Anyway, I got my new earrings and they are lovely....I am feeling better from the infusion reaction which is a plus!

Oh yes! Also I am in the middle of weaning off some of my anti-anxiety tablets. I only take them at night but have been having some trouble sleeping. I actually don't need these tablets anymore. When I had post natal depression when Isaac was born I also dealt with a lot of grief about my brother's death and coming to terms with FA as well. As a young adult I didn't want a bar of FA.....it hurt too much to think about it. When Isaac was born my hormones went crazy and I was overwhelmed with the reality of FA, the grief from my brother's death and I also ended up with post natal depression........Isaac was born 13 weeks early and that was a huge thing to deal with...worrying if he will make it and stuff.....I had to be put onto anti-anxiety medication and a lot of it. On top of that I saw a pyschologist and learnt how to manage my life using the technique of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I have become quite good at. After 4 years of being on anti-anxiety tablets I feel ready to say, "bye, bye"...I have some other reasons that have given me a goal to wean off them and I don't think I NEED them anymore. However, even though I am on such low doses right now, your body still gets used to having them in your system and when you drop a tablet, sleeplessness happens and you also end up being teary and feeling awful. I have gotten off lots of the tablets and was working on weaning one in particular. However, this didn't end up being the right time and I have had some yucky effects of trying to wean this one. Rang the doctor and he agreed that we drop another one instead and keep this one going a bit longer. I am off 2 of the tablets completely and have weaned down to the last dose on 2 of the medications.......that is a good job.....this other one I need to go slower with because it affects me more than the others. This is the one I have been trying to wean since Isaac has started school and I decided I need to wait until I am in a routine with school before weaning it down more.....so I went back to my proper dose and dropped another tablet completely and it has had no effect...which is great.....so that is in total 3 different tablets I have dropped completely...... 2 that are the last doses I have weaned to....and then the one that I have been trying to wean but need to hold on to a little longer.....so may be this new schedule will help with my teariness! ( that is 6 tablets I was on in total!!! Oh my!) Wow, I really have had a lot going on. I am hoping that by the end of March or mid April I will be off all of these tablets. I know some people do a "cold turkey" but for me that was not advisable...so I have been doing this really gradually and having more success that way. I am proud of myself. When I read how many tablets I have been weaning I feel encouraged. Otherwise I tend to be disappointed in myself.........Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is all I want to rely on in the end because of some reasons that I have. That is my goal....so I suppose that in conjunction with my other issues and Isaac going to school could be why I have been so teary....push through...I need to push through.

Well, I will let you know how my week goes. Thank you so much for your support! It is so important to me and I really appreciate it!
Love you,
Charisse

The truth about How I have been feeling

Hello People,
I wanted to be honest. I have had a horrible week. I have struggled so much with Isaac being at school for the whole day. I don't know how many people would think this is silly...but I know it has been a serious grievance for me this week. Today was such a bad day. I have felt yucky with the infusion this week....also had some girly issues, still sore in my belly as well. On top of that I feel totally alone when Isaac is at school. I don't know what to do with myself because I can't drive. Today I was totally alone. No nanny for most of the day and no Isaac. I don't know what is happening....whether my hormones have taken a dive because of events this week but I could not stop crying today...hysterical crying. It was disturbing. I bawled and wailed....I had people knock on my door and I opened the door and had tears streaming down my face. I had a phone call from a girlfriend/family and couldn't talk properly because of hysterical crying. It just kept coming and coming all day...I literally couldn't stop it. I felt so distressed over Isaac not being there....I felt distressed in general about lots of things. I really disliked my day. Because I cannot drive at the moment my nanny came at 2.15pm to take me to pick up Isaac from school early...he had a doctor's appointment. When she came in the door I burst into fresh tears only mins after the last ones and she hugged me tight while I cried noisily on her shoulder. We chatted a little and then went to get Isaac.....when I saw him my heart felt more normal. When I heard him say, "I love you mummy" I nearly melted. Then the rest of the day I was tired and achey from crying but feeling much more lighter and enjoyed being with Isaac and caring for him with my nanny. He had croup last week and has had the remnants of a bad cold since. He has a very congested chest and so tomorrow the doctor wants him to stay home from school. I was terribly worried about sending him today. I feel better knowing he will be home tomorrow. I really hope I adjust better to him going to school. I hope I don't feel like this every day......but Alan reminded me that a lot had happened this week which all came together and he thought that I just had to get all these emotions out to feel better....to vent all my thoughts and feelings....he thinks I will feel better about things after today. When I saw the doctor with Isaac he told me that I was not the only mother feeling this way....his child is one of Isaac's best friends and he has started school too. His wife has been feeling sad all week too....and the child's younger sister has been teary all week missing her brother at school...so there has been more tension and tears in their household too....he reassured me that for a woman....and someone who has so much on their mind....and the fact that Isaac is my only child....I will definitely feel very upset and emotional....and he reminded me that what I was experiencing was normal and his wife was going to call me.
I am sorry to dear Angela who called me and I was crying so hard.....all very confusing. Thanks for calling back Angela even though the phone calls were confusing.
Thanks to my nanny as well who helped me when I was also feeling hysterical...and thanks to everyone who understands the circumstances of the day and the week......
I just needed to share and get some encouragement. Thank you for listening.
Love Charisse

School Time!

Isaac is completely beat! In dream land after his first 2 full days of big boy school! I missed him lots. I am used to having him all around me, all the time. Monday morning I felt so emotional. I was eating breakfast and burst out into tears and I cried. Not just weeping but full on crying. I felt like I lost my best friend. Isaac is my buddy and now he is at school. At least we still have Wednesdays together. That is his rest day off in the middle of the week. I didn't know what to do with myself when he was at school from 8.25am to 3.15pm but I know I will adapt...just adapting is difficult and I miss him. He helps me feel distracted about FA life as well. He is the normal part of me. He is a sweety and I miss him. All day you are caring for a little one and then all of a sudden they are not there for most of the day. I feel strange. He is having a good time. Although, when he comes home he says "I love you mummy" and "I want you mummy". He is so sweet. Alan took me out for lunch on Monday to try and distract me but that didn't stop the tears brimming in my eyes while I had lunch. Today mum took me out for lunch as well.....on top of these emotions has been "that time of the month", as well as the usual infusion reaction that makes me feel foul...and still recovering from my operation. So I have felt a bit overwhelmed. May be next week will be better. Thursdays I will not need a nanny anymore while Isaac is at school....except for emergencies and school holidays. So I am now free to see as many friends as possible on that day. I suppose I will start to enjoy the new routine....but I still miss Isaac. I think people forget about the heartbreak and the tears that a mother has when sending their child to school for the first time. Everyone becomes so excited but there are more emotions there in the mother's heart than you can ever imagine.....especially when you have things like FA to think about.....I am not ready to be a mum with all my kids (one child) in school yet

There are some cute things about Isaac being at school though. He has homework every night and I took a picture of the homework he has been given. They are starting from scratch since too many children don't know as much as they assume.....when coming from preschool.

So they have started with counting from one! Hehe. Here is a sample of Isaac's homework........count from 1 and colour one teddybear and practise writing the number 1 and draw one apple. I think the homework is cute and Isaac knows his numbers well so he is feeling so confident!

There are some other sample of homework here somewhere....he writes his name at the top and writes it really well.

Today I woke with sore glands and a stiff neck....definitely infusion reaction from last week. So I have felt a bit foul. Nothing too exciting to update on at all. I have a GP appointment tomorrow.

Sorry about the photos being out of order...anyway, I thought the homework was cute.

To other issues. My wound is healing really well from my surgery. My next hurdles before I do anything else is a bone marrow biopsy/aspiration and head and neck cancer screening MRI. Then I can get on with planning my year.
I am sorry I don't have much else to report on....just thought Isaac's homework was cute.
Bless you all and have a good night.
Love Charisse

2 weeks post surgery

Hello All,
I have been home now for a week and it has been 2 weeks since my surgery. I am doing well. My wound dressing is off and it looks good. One side decided to kind of "pop" and so it is going to heal with a wider scar in the corner of my wound. This is also the side that popped when I had Isaac via c-section....a trend for this part of the scar. Hehe....no infection but some ooz. There is some fresh granulation tissue at that point of the wound...this is good. This is fresh tissue forming and growing and it is rich in blood vessels which is why it is oozing. So I just now cover that with gauze and betadine the wound morning and night. I don't like it when Alan does that. It is still very sensitive and sore. I am still on my pain meds and even though the pain level is going down it still doesn't seem that I can drop one of my pain meds....I must be patient. It is abdominal surgery and it takes a while to recover. I have not been able to do the normal things around the house and have felt a bit bored...things feel a bit tedious when you can't do your normal routine. I wish I could wrestle with Isaac and stuff....but I will be able to do that again once this heals.
Isaac had his first day of big boy school today and he had a wonderful day. He has already made friends and I am relieved about that. He plays with a little boy called Hamish. He is a sweet boy. Isaac and him met at the uniform shop a week before school and found out they were in the same class. So Isaac started today knowing that he already had a friend and therefore, was more confident. He looked great in his uniform...so cute. He is still my baby boy.
Well, that is the extent of my update. I am still too sore to drive or get around but can't wait til I can drive again. I have IVIG infusion this Friday which I am not looking forward to so much....feel too sore to sit on those chairs and have a reaction afterward.....hmmm.
Otherwise things are good.
Thanks for checking up on me.
Love Charisse