Hi All,
I turn 31 years old today. Pretty good for an FA person who has had 13 years of pre-leukaemia :-) While my birthday is definitely a time of celebration, it also is a time of sadness. Sometimes I tend to think about a lot when my birthday comes around.
However, I am actually really excited that it is my birthday and don't mind celebrating my birthday. To overcome all the bad things that FA has done in my life, I love to celebrate and be with people during my birthday because it helps me see how blessed I am to have gotten to this age and live the way I have and more.
Thank you to all who have wished me happy birthday and any presents you have given. So far, I love them all!!! Hehe
I have had a bit of a struggle this weekend. I saw a doctor on Friday and was given some news that upset my apple cart and caused my emotional rollercoaster to do more loops and all sorts. I cried a lot of that night and didn't fall asleep til around 3am. I am not going to share. Some things are too close to my heart. Sat I slept in til 1230pm because of my late settle the night before. I was so down and the tears were coming at intervals throughout Saturday that Alan decided we would go to the Beach House down by Glenelg beach with Isaac, Alan and myself. So we took a small amount of cash and went down there. Went on the VERY slow ferris wheel.....lol.....on a train, playground (Isaac did), ate some cheap dinner and went for a walk on the jetty and yes, it did cheer me up a bit. Alan said it was my birthday celebration. It was nice. On the way home we pulled up next to some fire works. They were in the city and right on the side of the road. We saw everything. It was a lovely finish to the evening.
Today I woke up and opened my presents from Alan and Isaac. I got a "Grey's Anatomy computer game"...hehe....and pink beanie, gloves, scarf and umbrella from Isaac. He knows me all too well :-) Then we went to church and there was a really good speaker at church. We came home and had a birthday lunch with my sister and her family. We had a cake that Alan and Isaac made. Sang happy birthday and blew out the candles. My mother in law, Denise, came and gave me a present as well....thank you. It was nice to see them all. My sister in law is taking me out for a hot chocolate tonight. I got plenty of messages and phone calls from my mum and dad in Africa! I love you!
Now, I do have photos but I am too tired to put then up right now.
Thanks for making my birthday special everyone. Oh, and on Friday night our friends Stephen and Leah came over for a pork roast and we played the CSI Miami Board game which was fun. That was a critical night since I had come home with particularly upsetting news from the doctor.
Thank you for celebrating my birthday everyone. Thank you for the messages on Facebook and email. The phone calls and the spending time together in person.
Wow, I am tired.
Now I saw my gynae doctor and my surgery to take this lump out from the lady area is booked for the 11th June. She doesn't think it is cancer but it will be checked anyway with pathology as per usual. She thinks it is some inflammatory granulotoma or something. I don't think that is the right word but I wasn't taking too much notice.....just asking if it was suspected cancer or not....hehe...so the second word I didn't really catch.
Pray for Isaac as we take him for his bloods tomorrow! That all goes well :-)
Ok, I am gonna go!
Love you and thanks,
Charisse
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The truth about How I have been feeling
Hello People,
I wanted to be honest. I have had a horrible week. I have struggled so much with Isaac being at school for the whole day. I don't know how many people would think this is silly...but I know it has been a serious grievance for me this week. Today was such a bad day. I have felt yucky with the infusion this week....also had some girly issues, still sore in my belly as well. On top of that I feel totally alone when Isaac is at school. I don't know what to do with myself because I can't drive. Today I was totally alone. No nanny for most of the day and no Isaac. I don't know what is happening....whether my hormones have taken a dive because of events this week but I could not stop crying today...hysterical crying. It was disturbing. I bawled and wailed....I had people knock on my door and I opened the door and had tears streaming down my face. I had a phone call from a girlfriend/family and couldn't talk properly because of hysterical crying. It just kept coming and coming all day...I literally couldn't stop it. I felt so distressed over Isaac not being there....I felt distressed in general about lots of things. I really disliked my day. Because I cannot drive at the moment my nanny came at 2.15pm to take me to pick up Isaac from school early...he had a doctor's appointment. When she came in the door I burst into fresh tears only mins after the last ones and she hugged me tight while I cried noisily on her shoulder. We chatted a little and then went to get Isaac.....when I saw him my heart felt more normal. When I heard him say, "I love you mummy" I nearly melted. Then the rest of the day I was tired and achey from crying but feeling much more lighter and enjoyed being with Isaac and caring for him with my nanny. He had croup last week and has had the remnants of a bad cold since. He has a very congested chest and so tomorrow the doctor wants him to stay home from school. I was terribly worried about sending him today. I feel better knowing he will be home tomorrow. I really hope I adjust better to him going to school. I hope I don't feel like this every day......but Alan reminded me that a lot had happened this week which all came together and he thought that I just had to get all these emotions out to feel better....to vent all my thoughts and feelings....he thinks I will feel better about things after today. When I saw the doctor with Isaac he told me that I was not the only mother feeling this way....his child is one of Isaac's best friends and he has started school too. His wife has been feeling sad all week too....and the child's younger sister has been teary all week missing her brother at school...so there has been more tension and tears in their household too....he reassured me that for a woman....and someone who has so much on their mind....and the fact that Isaac is my only child....I will definitely feel very upset and emotional....and he reminded me that what I was experiencing was normal and his wife was going to call me.
I am sorry to dear Angela who called me and I was crying so hard.....all very confusing. Thanks for calling back Angela even though the phone calls were confusing.
Thanks to my nanny as well who helped me when I was also feeling hysterical...and thanks to everyone who understands the circumstances of the day and the week......
I just needed to share and get some encouragement. Thank you for listening.
Love Charisse
I wanted to be honest. I have had a horrible week. I have struggled so much with Isaac being at school for the whole day. I don't know how many people would think this is silly...but I know it has been a serious grievance for me this week. Today was such a bad day. I have felt yucky with the infusion this week....also had some girly issues, still sore in my belly as well. On top of that I feel totally alone when Isaac is at school. I don't know what to do with myself because I can't drive. Today I was totally alone. No nanny for most of the day and no Isaac. I don't know what is happening....whether my hormones have taken a dive because of events this week but I could not stop crying today...hysterical crying. It was disturbing. I bawled and wailed....I had people knock on my door and I opened the door and had tears streaming down my face. I had a phone call from a girlfriend/family and couldn't talk properly because of hysterical crying. It just kept coming and coming all day...I literally couldn't stop it. I felt so distressed over Isaac not being there....I felt distressed in general about lots of things. I really disliked my day. Because I cannot drive at the moment my nanny came at 2.15pm to take me to pick up Isaac from school early...he had a doctor's appointment. When she came in the door I burst into fresh tears only mins after the last ones and she hugged me tight while I cried noisily on her shoulder. We chatted a little and then went to get Isaac.....when I saw him my heart felt more normal. When I heard him say, "I love you mummy" I nearly melted. Then the rest of the day I was tired and achey from crying but feeling much more lighter and enjoyed being with Isaac and caring for him with my nanny. He had croup last week and has had the remnants of a bad cold since. He has a very congested chest and so tomorrow the doctor wants him to stay home from school. I was terribly worried about sending him today. I feel better knowing he will be home tomorrow. I really hope I adjust better to him going to school. I hope I don't feel like this every day......but Alan reminded me that a lot had happened this week which all came together and he thought that I just had to get all these emotions out to feel better....to vent all my thoughts and feelings....he thinks I will feel better about things after today. When I saw the doctor with Isaac he told me that I was not the only mother feeling this way....his child is one of Isaac's best friends and he has started school too. His wife has been feeling sad all week too....and the child's younger sister has been teary all week missing her brother at school...so there has been more tension and tears in their household too....he reassured me that for a woman....and someone who has so much on their mind....and the fact that Isaac is my only child....I will definitely feel very upset and emotional....and he reminded me that what I was experiencing was normal and his wife was going to call me.
I am sorry to dear Angela who called me and I was crying so hard.....all very confusing. Thanks for calling back Angela even though the phone calls were confusing.
Thanks to my nanny as well who helped me when I was also feeling hysterical...and thanks to everyone who understands the circumstances of the day and the week......
I just needed to share and get some encouragement. Thank you for listening.
Love Charisse
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