I attended her funeral today. Alan and I were there from 1 pm to about 4pm. I really loved what the Pastor had to say about death and life in the eyes of someone who knows Jesus and loves Jesus. It really spoke to my heart. This earth is only temporary. As a born again Christian, I know that. The Bible clearly tells us that. We take this life on earth so seriously....and so we should. However, when you sit and hear the wonderful news of the Gospel of Jesus and how He is waiting for us when we leave this earth, something stirs inside of you.
I love the fact that, as a Christian, death is not the end for us, but only the beginning of something new and exciting. While we, naturally, mourn the passing of others here in our world, we know that they are free of pain and rejoicing in the Lord's presence. What an amazing thing. No pain, only joy. No "boiling brain".....which is how I feel when I am stressed and worried about the things in this world. No physical suffering. Only joy and peace. These things are what you have when you know Jesus. Amazing really. I have done a lot of thinking today.
Yesterday was my brother's birthday. He died a month after his bone marrow transplant in 1994. He had Fanconi Anaemia. It felt like my whole world had ended when he died. I knew the promises of God, but I was devastated and with having Fanconi Anaemia myself, I withdrew and became depressed. I have worked through a lot of this now but I still feel emotional when thinking about Shannon, my brother.
After the funeral today, we bought some flowers and headed to the cemetary to honour Shannon for his birthday yesterday. Isaac was with us because it was after school. As I was standing and pondering at his grave, I found myself trying to understand my heart. I had been thinking about how my friend's mother had passed away, about her life and how much she loved....should I say loves Jesus. I was thinking about how happy she is right now with Jesus, experiencing no pain and her reward in Christ. I longed for that too......I longed for it. I thought about how Shannon and her would be there together because Shannon loved (loves) Jesus too. I thought about how care free they would feel. We can't even imagine what it would be like to be with Jesus and in Heaven. It is hard to conceive while here on Earth but it must be amazing.
I thought about Shannon's death and the sadness it brought us as a family here on earth. Then I thought about his joy. I reflected on my own life here on earth with having Fanconi Anaemia. The blood and bone marrow issues. The cancers and operations I have been through and the challenges that are still at my door step. I thought about how it can be very stressful and emotional and overwhelming at many times. I then marvelled at how I fight and fight to stay here on earth with my family. Despite all the pain, I have such an urge to fight. I don't want to go from my Isaac and my Alan. I want to grow old with them and see Isaac marry and have children. Yet, I have such a longing to experience the joy that Shannon and my friend's mother are enjoying. To be free of that pain. I am sure that God gives me the desire to press on here on earth. What a strange feeling to want to be with Jesus, free from pain, yet be with your physical family here and grow old with them. The matters of the heart are interesting. The matters of this walk in life are interesting. Sometimes I don't understand the heart and the desires running through it.
I know one thing though.....I long to be free of Fanconi Anaemia. Today has brought forth many thoughts and has caused me to ponder a lot. We fear death but why........????? It is God given to fight for life. It is also God given to be able to go and live with Him. I don't know how to explain it. I am deep in thought.
Below is a photo of Isaac and I looking/pondering at Shannon's grave. I had to laugh at Isaac because every time he saw a grave he would say, "Mum, another person has died here!!" I kept saying to him that everyone here has died. What a sweet child he is.
Isaac at Uncle Shannon's grave. He knows all about Shannon's story.
Shannon's gravestone. Looking pretty I think.
Well, praise God we have the victory now and in the end over death :-) I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Jesus. This walk in life would be incredibly hard. I am blessed that I have something to look forward to after this life as well. When you have a disease that can kill, you find yourself thinking about that quite a lot.
Shannon's gravestone. Looking pretty I think.
Well, praise God we have the victory now and in the end over death :-) I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Jesus. This walk in life would be incredibly hard. I am blessed that I have something to look forward to after this life as well. When you have a disease that can kill, you find yourself thinking about that quite a lot.
My sweet friend, from today, we are praying for you and your family.
My FA family......ones suffering grief right now, we are praying for you.
Lots of love,
Charisse
