Wednesday, September 28, 2005 7:11 AM CDT
It is Wednesday night and I am feeling improved compared with the other day. Tuesday my mum came and looked after Isaac and I had a sleep in and then today I was back on my own again but in a better state of mind. I still feel tired but I am getting there. I just have to make sure I get to bed early.
So today we had kindergym and Isaac loved it. He ran everywhere and climbed on all the equipment.
Then I went to a friend's house and she has a 2 1/2 year old and Isaac and him played together. They wrestled!!! It was Soooooooooo cute! They were laughing and pulling each other down and stuff....Isaac really needed the interaction! Then I came home and Isaac had a sleep while I did things around the house, emailed and read my Bible.
It was a good day. So now I need to get off to bed! I need to make sure I am relaxed.....please still keep my emotional health and physical health in your prayers.
Lots of love,
Charisse
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Sunday, September 25, 2005 11:54 PM CDT
Well, it is Monday and I don't feel like it has been the best day. It is Monday here in Australia at 2.30pm. I just was never able to recover from the sleepless night on Friday night and so Sunday, I was so nauseated...I had to miss church...Alan and Isaac still went...and today I woke up and felt so unwell and tired that I had to ring mum and dad up and get them to take Isaac for the day.
I lay on my bed all morning and couldn't stop the tears. I felt so bad that I had to send Isaac off with my parents. He has been just wanting me all the time but he seemed happy to go with them.
I am still in my PJ's......I just need to feel good again.
Thanks to my friends who have chatted with me over the phone or any other way.....who have helped me feel better. Thanks to Alan, my husband, for being patient with me when I am crying on the phone...my anxiety sometimes rears its ugly head and then it just flows out!
So I am going to have a bath and feel better....but I still feel so unwell and so guilty about feeling this way. I hope Isaac would not be cross at me about it. I love him very much....and I wish I could stop crying. Boy, I hope my week gets better.
Bless you and love you,
Charisse
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Friday, September 23, 2005 9:46 PM CDT
Good Afternoon,
well just a short update to let you know how life is going.
My mouth ulcer that Dr. Ben looked at...he gave it 2 weeks to heal and then we were going to biopsy it.....well it is healed and gone!! Praise the Lord!
Another thing to rejoice over...well for us anyway. Isaac has begun toilet training the last 2 weeks and last night was the first time he ever has done a poo in the potty! I wasn't there...but Alan was. He sat on the potty....and did a poo! When he got off the potty he was scared of the poo and started screaming and yelling, looking at the potty freaked out and all. He was rewarded with praise and his favourite muslie bar! I will use stickers more now...thanks to the person who mentioned that idea....was it Sandra? Anyway, he is a bit scared of the potty now but that is ok because he will get better again. Doing a poo in the potty can be kind of scary for a child.
Yesterday I worked an 8 1/2 hour shift at the hospital. I was in day surgery and I really enjoyed my shift. I usually do most of my shifts in Theater Recovery. It was so busy and I was on my feet all day. I worked from 11am to 7.30pm.. Usually around 6pm my body says, "I am tired and switching off". Well, I suddenly felt tired at that time but I managed to push myself. I don't do night shifts because my stamina can't manage it. But I was very happy with my shift....some interesting things happened but they are confidential.
I had a bad sleep last night though. I got home from work and we did devotions with Isaac and he went to bed. I went to bed around 10pm and turned the light off at 10.30pm. I had high anxiety for some reason and my mind started to have very clear visions of the women's and children's hospital where I go to see Dr. Ben (also where Shannon died). I started to get heart palpitations and breathing difficulties and my mind rehearsed me having a full on anxiety attack and so I tried to stop my mind and focus on other things. At 1am I woke Alan and he tried to relax me by rubbing my legs.....I then continued to try and sleep but by 3pm I woke Alan again and then all my anxiety came out. we were up until 5am with all my anxiety. I am very tired today. Please continue to pray that the things causing me grief will get worked out.
Ok well I need to go. I have a 1 year old birthday party to go to with Alan and Isaac.
Bless you all and bye,
Charisse
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Sunday, September 18, 2005 11:44 PM CDT
What a day! It is just an ordinary Monday but I haven't enjoyed my day much at all. Isaac is toilet training. He is a good boy. We have only been trying it for a week. So he is only into the stage of learning to sit on the potty without being frightened. I am sure that I have annoyed him today and he has annoyed me. I love my dear darling of course. He has done well to be less afraid today. I try and make it fun! Hehe!
Hehe...I feel grumpy today...well I have felt grumpy the last week...not because of Isaac but because of certain truths that a woman must endure....and I am sure Isaac looks at me and thinks, "what's up with you mum?" and then tries and makes things a bit more difficult for me in everyway.
He is getting restless with the rainy days and wants to get outside and play. It is just not possible today...so we played lego. He is in bed now and I think I will rest too after this.
Yesterday at church was wonderful. We had a visiting Pastor speak at the church. His name is Peter Franz. He ministers in Uganda and other regions of Africa. My church is 90 frican here in Australia and so they enjoyed having him here to speak. He has been blessed with a healing annointing from the Lord and so when he asked for people with "blood disorders" to come up for healing I marched right on up. I sure do believe in the power of the Holy Spirit to heal the sick and I wasn't going to miss out. I felt such a humbling before Jesus and kept thanking Him and thanking Him. I had an amazing time with God. I truly can feel His presence greater these days and I would never want to be without Jesus...and I am trusting Him for the healing of FA throughout my body. I know Jesus can heal. I have seen Jesus heal people with AIDS in front of me and I have witnessed them show their before and after medical tests....God is truly amazing and I trust Him with my life.
So please know that there are specific people I am praying for and have on my heart....I will remember you in prayer. With God nothing is impossible.
All right, well, I am now going to go. I pray that you will all have a great week.
Love Charisse
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005 4:36 AM CDT
Good Evening,
Well, I actually did quite well in my appointment with Dr. Ben. I have had a nasty ulcer in my mouth for 2 weeks. It started when I changed toothbrushes and my gums were irritated and it got so big I was a bit concerned about it. So I let Dr. Ben have a look and he thinks it looks like an ordinary ulcer and explained what potential canerous ones usually look like. He gave it 2 weeks to heal and if it isn't healed then we will do a biopsy to check for what infection it could be and of course, that always rules out cancer as well. But since Monday, my ulcer is smaller and not as sore and is healing up. So I am pleased about that and I am being real careful as I brush my teeth so I don't re-open to ulcer and let it heal.
I was able to finally talk to Dr. Ben concerning some other issues as well to do with the gynae. I had never told anyone and after hearing the gnae lecture at camp sunshine I suddenly thought about my issue and realised that after years of enduring such a thing it could have probably been fixed....Dr. Ben was very accomadating and will speak to my gynae doctor about it and may be we can help my issue.
I was disappointed that my platelets are jumping around a bit. I always feel uneasy about all that......but platelets do tend to jump around a lot, especially if you are doing 6 weekly blood tests with the IVIG infusion I have. When I used to have bloods every 4 to 6 months, you wouldn't see the jumps that the platelet count does and you never would have known. Every thing else is about the same. I was pleased with my cholestrol....I have had a cheese craving lately and have been crazy with cheeses...hehe...glad my cholesterol is till well within normal levels.
I still found going to the Women's and Children's very hard but Isaac was with me and amused me heaps....even though I had a lot of anxiety I did well. Dr. Ben asked me if I would be able to try coming to the clinic in Ronald McDonald House instead of the ward...I said I didn't know...I felt a bit panicked about it actually...so I will let him know...another thing to overcome.
There are still issues I am dealing with in relation to FA. Please keep praying for me. I think we will always be dealing with issues but this one is a big one.....and as I have said before, feels big and overwhelming for me, but nothing is ever impossible with Jesus or too big for Him.....so I will continue to trust in Jesus. I am desperately asking the Lord on certain subjects at the moment and I know He hears me. God's grace never fails.
Donna and Nicholas...I am thinking about you guys as you try the oxymethalone. I pray that this drug is a wonder drug for you as it was for me.
Ok, well life goes on. Isaac is busy trying to get my attention so I am going to go.
Bless you all and good night.
Love Charisse
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Sunday, September 11, 2005 8:53 PM CDT
Hi Everyone,
today is Monday for me. I have an appointment with Dr. Ben today. I actually thought on the weekend, "wow I feel ok about my appointment" and then something happened and I have been in tears about FA stuff and my appointment today. Once again I have felt extreme anxiety prior to my appointment and it is hard to hold the tears in.
My brother is very close to my heart at the moment. We just celebrated his birthday recently and he would have been 25 years old had he still been alive. I went to his gravesite and broke down in tears. I feel it so strongly...the hurt and love I have for him and the grief that I then realised, once again, that I am dealing with.
So it is off to the Women's and Children's hospital again today for my appointment and I feel broken as I go facing the hospital where so many things took place. How much longer will I feel this way?
There are so many issues to address with my appointment today. We will address certain issues from the FA Camp.
I just don't like going to the doctor who facing certain things, talking about stuff.
Anway, Jesus is with me all the time and so I will walk with confidence. I know that Jesus is doing a healing work in my marrow and whole body with FA all the time. I will continue to trust in Him even though I sometimes feel sad.
I pray that you are all having a good day or night.
Bless you and talk soon,
Love Charisse
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Thursday, September 8, 2005 5:46 AM CDT
Well, I have shared about camp but not about our time in Oregon with the Cliftons.
It was a relief to not have to fly to Australia the week after camp. I don't think I would have handled such a long flight...so we just went 8 hours across the country to Portland, Oregon. We stayed in a hotel in Aloha. We holidayed with Teresa, Tyler and Emma Clifton. It was good. The first day we just slept in and then went to their house and left on a short drive to see the scenery. The greenery was beautiful. It was so green. In Australia it is not so green, especially in the summer time. So I was fascinated by the trees and how lush it was.
The second day Alan and Tyler went shooting at a gun ranch and I stayed with Teresa at her appartment. We had Emma and Isaac with us and we just took it easy. After a huge week at camp it was nice to go slow. We went to the park and the kids played. They played so nicely together. They had to copy each other. At the park they sat on a swing together and laughed as they were pushed. Isaac loved the company!
Later that day Teresa, Tyler and Emma took us to see Emma's hospital and the huge air bridge that it has. I can't remember whether I have put photos of that on the website but the hospital has a beautiful view on the mountain and I was fascinated by how children friendly the hospital was...hehe..now it is a children's hospital so you ask me why was I surpirsed? Our major children's hospital in Adelaide is more medical looking and I think the set up at this American hospital was great....I am also a nurse and love other country's hospitals.
We also went on a day's long outing to see Mt St Helens in Washington State....that was excellent and you can see the mountain in the pictures I have postered here. It is an active volcano and it had steam coming out of the top. I could smell the supha and feel the heat from it. we drove to the furtherist lookout. We were so close to it. I then saw a show on this volcano back in Australia and was pretty pleased to announce that I had been there in person. Hehe.
We went to Oregon zoo...what a cool zoo....and even cooler than ours here in Adelaide. I liked the marine creatures and bears because you got to see them in an aquarium type setting as well as from the top on the outside. That fasinated me....that is where we got the pictures of the seal lions...if I have posted them that is.
And...we saw the fabulous waterfalls....they were great and so huge. I bought some things from there for my famliy. I think there are some photos of them on this site. That was lovely...and then we visited with Rachel Altmann and Nina who has FA (she is 2 I think....HI Rachel, Nina, Benjamin and Tyler). We had a great time there. I loved their house...wow!! We haven't got houses like that where we live! It was so nice spending more time with you Rachel. You are a lovely person.
Oh, Rachel, Benjamin and Nina also came with us to the zoo that time.
Every night we were taken to a different restaurant to get a taste of the variety of food in America. We went to Chinese, Mexican, Italian, had pizza...even the pizza taste different! Teresa cooked for us a couple of nights and she is a great cook!
A good time was had by all and it was a shame when we had to leave. We only could stay a week and then we were flying home again (only to accidently leave our hand luggage with sercurity and realise last minute and almost missed our flight..hehe).
Anyway, once again i have chatted too much. So I am going to go and relax.
Bless you all,
Love Charisse
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Sunday, September 4, 2005 6:07 AM CDT
Hi Everyone,
sorry about the lack of updates since I have been back from America. I have only been back one week and I have been so busy catching up on everything.
I just put Isaac to bed so I think I have time to chat now for a while.
First of all, our 2 weeks in America, the first in Cascoe Maine and then Portland, Oregon....were both good weeks.
As per usual, excitement tends to follow Alan and I around so the excitement and adventures of what lay ahead started as soon as we left Adelaide airport.
Isaac still enjoys bottles with milk in it...not to carry around but only to enjoy with his breakfast,lunch and tea. If you forget these bottles, he will often get upset so they were very important to Alan and I. Already our dramas began when we arrived from Adelaide to Sydney in Australia on the way to America. We got off the plane to board onto the international flight to LA and realised that we had left Isaac's bottle bag with his bottles in the previous plane. Poor Alan ran so fast to go and get the bag...of which we did get hold of. Our Adelaide flight was running late and so we were late getting on the plane for LA. As we were fumbling onto the plane I asked for some help and the air hostess said, "what's wrong with you?". I was shocked! I had never had an air hostess ask me such a ridiculous question before and I didn't think I needed to explain with us running late, trecking a toddler around and all our hand luggage.
Hehe....the dramas didn't end there at all. Isaac only slept for 4 hours of the flight (this part of the flight was 18 hours or so). Alan and I got hardly any sleep at all and then we found ourselves in LA connecting to Minneapolis. I had forgotten how big American airports are! Boy, without a stroller and with all our hand luggage and having no sleep, it was heaps hard trecking around the airport.
Hehe, I shared with some people that when we arrived in LA I felt so sick and faint from no sleep that I practically staggered out of the huge plane and said to Alan, "oh no I need to put my head down" and squatted right there with my head between my knees....hehe...all I could see was some sort of chair coming towards me and so I walked as well as I could, only keeping that chair in focus and then felt myself sit down only to hear....."Um...Miss, this wheelchair has been booked for another person but if you want me to get you another one I can".
HAHAHAHA....I couldn't believe that I had just sat down in someone else's wheelchair!!! I asked her to give me a moment and then walked on recovering a bit more but I was heaps embarrassed by what I had done. Hehe.
Anyway, we then flew from LA to Minneapolis and .....guess what...we were then supposed to go to Portland, Maine but we missed our flight!!!! AHHHHHHH....I was pretty angry by then. I was tired, feeling sick and struggling to cope. Surprisingly Isaac was being so well behaved. It felt like no one would help us out. I am sure Alan was choosing to wander around the airport, wondering what to do, when we could have just asked someone. But when we asked it felt like we had no help anyway. Then they told us they had no hotels available for us. Yep, I was very tired by then. Alan and I finally found a hotel and slept the night...although Isaac was awake from 2am to 5am in the morning that night because of the time difference between America and Australia. Still...we were able to get on the flight at 8am the next morning to Portland Maine. Whew!!!! What a relief!
I found myself sitting next to Jackie and Evan on that flight. Evan I found out has FA and he was only about 12 months old (am I correct in saying that Jackie?). This was the first time I had ever met another FA human being other than my brother and I was thrilled. So thank you Evan and Jackie for being the first people with FA to introduce yourselves.
I actually found the first night at camp very overwhelming. When I arrived there I stayed in my room while Isaac was sleeping. Alan went walking about the camp site. When he came back he said that he had already met some of my friends from online.
I went out that day and met Krisstina, Jo and Jacy, Nicholas Boggs, Donna Boggs, Kristen and Wesley, Teresa, Tyler and Emma....and so many more people that I felt so overwhelmed but couldn't register that I was not in Australia anymore.
I found Camp Sunshine a challenging place. The medical information about FA was not new to me but it did affect me and I found it hard to listen to. Sometimes it made me feel helpless and hopeless, but then I would have to remind myself that Jesus is bigger than FA and that with God anything is possible. Healing is possible. I had nights and some days where I would cry in my room because I was so overwhelmed by it all. You have to remember that this was my first time seeing other children with FA and hearing intense lectures about FA. It was hard. The children were such a dream to meet and so lovely.
I love you Nicholas Boggs. I love the way you love life. You are a credit to the Lord Jesus Christ- and you too Donna.
Wesley, you are too cute (and your mum of course).
The Clifton family are amazing. Emma is gorgeous and Isaac played with her so well. They fought and complained about each other.....but in a charming way. They also held hands and hugged each other.
Teresa, thank you for your support at camp...even though we had only just met face to face you really did welcome me and make me feel wanted and comfortable.
That is another thing I was blessed by.....how you all welcomed me to camp, into the FA community. I have felt so alone here in Australia with FA....I was so blessed to have a family to talk with, to love.....thanks to ALL of you. I was so blessed that so many of you accepted me. I am so glad that I could bring hope into your lives in regards to FA...and I am glad you all loved my miracle boy, Isaac. You all have played such a big part in my heart over the last month....there are too many of you to mention....but thank you.
The photos that you see are some of camp and Oregon. I have pictures of Krisstina and Jo and Jacy...it was so nice to meet you girls!
Oh and at the talent night I felt the need to share a song with you all...I was really scared...hehe..you may have seen me shaking....it was about how Jesus' love is neverending and that no matter what happens in life, Jesus will always be with us.....I did miss hearing about the importance of God at camp and how significant He is in our walk in life. I was really taken back with the response I got from the song. People were touched by it and that really touched me. So thanks for making camp a good experience despite the hard parts of it.
In my next update I will share about our holiday with the Cliftons in Oregon, but this journal entry is way too long now so I will wait.....and there was more drama with the planes as well.....oh and once we got to camp...the airport had lost Isaac's luggage.....thanks heaps to Michelle, Denise and Alicia for letting Isaac borrow Alicia's shoes while he had no luggage.....Hmm...I still need to send those shoes back.
On the medical side of things for me....I had an IVIG infusion 2 days ago and it went well. I had an anxiety attack when I saw the doctor who was not well mannered to me before I left for camp but he didn't admit me....so that was good. I catch up with Dr. Ben in about 2 weeks.
Ok...got to go...
Love Charisse
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Saturday, September 3, 2005 9:01 AM CDT
Hi Everyone,
We're still alive! Back in Australia, safe and well. We've been really busy over the last week and Charisse has not had a chance to update anything. I'm sure she'll get to it any day though, so keep watching.
There's new photos in the gallery, so check them out!
Love you all,
Alan, Charisse & Isaac.
xx
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